An attempt to distract an angel in perpetual contemplation

This fictional essay tries to prove how an attempt to falsify a statement can actually lead to its successful execution. The only assumption made in this essay is that “everything is possible” in this infinitely vast universe. We will try to play around with the popular quote from the bible “The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of infinite glory”. The basic meaning of this quote is that the angels are always busy trying to find a deeper unearthly meaning which will give them ultimate bliss. Now our aim is to falsify this statement somehow and observe how the consequences will actually lead to the angels getting their infinite glory thingy. So here is how the story goes:

Let’s assume that one of our angels is walking in a lush green park full of pretty flowers and stuff, she is walking but her mind is still revolving around the glory related things. What we need to do now is something which distracts the angel for a moment. Study stays that an earthquake tremor is the most successful thing to distract anyone doing anything on our planet earth. So a little earthquake occurs, the path on which our angel was walking cracks a bit, and she gets distracted. Hence we have proven the quote wrong assuming that “everything is possible”. Now let us understand the sequence of events that take place. The other people in the park notice this lapse of concentration of the angel. They spread it to other people and gradually the story becomes media hype, all news channels say that this story finally proves that the bible is not as accurate as it was expected to be. This hype led to a slight decline in people’s faith in Christianity. Jesus Christ gets worried and resurrects himself to be a part of a round table conference in the Vatican. The final decision made is that all the existing bibles are to be removed and a new version is to be printed which doesn’t include the conflict causing statement. Before this plan is put into execution, environmentalists rightly predicted the following possibility: They said that the bible is the most printed book ever. Removing all the present books and reprinting them to generate an equal number will deplete around 10% of the world’s forests which would worsen the delicate balance of nature leading to more intense global warming ultimately resulting in the destruction of mankind. To prevent this highly probable event, the catholic committee came up with the idea of distributing the bible as e-books on the internet. Now everyone knows that e-books are more vulnerable than physical books, it was observed that gradually the bible was available in different modified forms, some of them highly distorted by naughty people and atheists. People became really confused; many of them were now unable to comprehend the concept of religion. One saw many people shifting to atheism. Over the years the hatred between the atheists and non-atheists increased which finally led to the third world war. This war was much intense than the last two as now the basis of the war was religion and not politics (some may find this idea strikingly similar to the ‘Go God Go’ episode of South Park). The end result was that mankind wasn’t the way it used to be and all the primary energy resources were depleted. (Note : For those who didn’t buy the last part of the story, i.e. the whole war over the confusion caused by the bible and crap, I have an alternative story for you: Due to the sudden increase in popularity of e-books, companies like Adobe and Foxit made trillions of dollars of profit. Now with enough resources in their hands, they were able to successfully implement artificial intelligence. This led to robots taking over the world bleh bleh, just like what happened with Skynet in the Terminator series and The Matrix series. The end result was the same. See I told you it would end up the same way, thank you for not trusting me).
The remaining people started searching for alternative sources of energy, it was so important that the first post war Nobel award was received by a scientist who managed to convert water into energy. (The other who were in run for the award were: A guy hoping for the peace award for saving billions of lives in Europe and Africa by intelligently swapping the ‘Fire nuclear weapon’ knob with the ‘Press for Hot water shower’ knob at the American presidents residence, and a scientist who successfully managed to genetically modify a dog so that it could successfully bite its own tail. A feat unaccomplished by the greatest biologists and geneticists during the pre war era. You can clearly see why they were so disappointed.). The only problem was that the water conversion scheme wasn’t efficient enough. For example, it took around 30% of the water in the Caspian Sea to run a tamagotchi virtual pet toy for a couple of hours. Oh, I forgot to mention, tamagotchi showed an increase in popularity again after the war. This was mainly due to the fact that all the standard pets were grossly mutated after the nuclear holocaust (Surprisingly, tamagotchi wasn’t at all popular in Japan, the country which invented this great product. After an intensive study, researchers found out that in Japan once a fad is over it just cannot come back, if it did, it could completely destroy the very fabric of their economy).
Coming back to the main story (and promising not to diverge again), the need of energy resulted in a very quick depletion of water from the ocean. This led to two things: a) The further decay of life on earth, and b) decrease in the difference of depth between high tides and low tides. The point (b) above had further severe consequence as mentioned ahead. The tidal problem caused the moon to slowly expand its orbit and move away from the earth. It finally moved so far that it managed to have a collision with planet mars (I know all this is very improbable, but please note my initial assumption and the fact that it is perhaps not impossible to make an improbability drive machine seen in the Hitchhikers books). The collision led to an immense amount of heat and other stuff which made it possible for one to have life sustainable in mars. Millions of years later, a humanoid race on mars successfully managed to send a little probe on earth to see if life existed there or not. Some would say this was very ironic. But ironic isn’t ironic anymore in a universe where “everything is possible”.
Our angel (remember her?), who was slightly depressed because all these events were indirectly caused by her, was keenly watching all of this with popcorn (which made her a bit fat). The final sequence of events overwhelmed her in a way she was never overwhelmed before, she felt a sudden surge of great energy inside her. The sheer “ironic ness” of the whole situation made her feel something which cannot be described in words or feelings or any possible way. She smiled a beautiful smile, she started to cry in happiness, each tear from her eyes could act as a serum to cure the worst of diseases, and it could bring back old civilizations and cleanse polluted souls. She knew what was happening to her, she had fulfilled her destiny. She was experiencing something very brilliant and pure, she was experiencing god.
(Some may argue why they didn’t go through the same thing after reading the story, after all they saw it like her too. The answer is that you just saw it; she on the other hand experienced it and was a part of it. Such retards you are  .)

Hence the hypothesis is proved.

I am sure there will be some curious about knowing what happened when she met god. For such people I have put down a part of their conversation in 21st century lingo:

Angel: It is so good to see finally see you god.
God: It is good to see you too my child. You have gained a bit of weight since I created you.
Angel: Uhh…
God: Anyhoo, what experience made you capable enough to finally meet me.
Angel: Oh..I was was walking in a park blah blah..tremor blah blah..end of civilization blah on mars blah blah..repetition of old events blah blah..very ironic blah blah..
God: So you are saying ere is no life on earth now??Holy mother of God!
Angel: Oh God, why do you seem to be so worried.
God: If there is no life on earth, then there is no life in Japan, that means Nintendo doesn’t exist anymore, that means I cant play the sequel to super Mario galaxy. I really need a beer now.

    • tanny
    • May 3rd, 2009

    Actually there is Nothing to be found and your angel (by the way who is she) found that, though pretty late considering she was an angel. Send this blog to LHC guys at CERN. May be they would stop wasting so much money to find Nothing. For me the ultimate reality is Everything=Nothing and vice versa (sorry Einstein, E=mc2 falls short to explain everything which is actually nothing and therefore what’s the point (here I go again)). Great work boddob(sounds familiar)

    • Nikhil Dewan
    • May 3rd, 2009

    Brilliant piece of work archit. The potential randomness weaves so brilliantly, that this is really script material. Reminded me of pulp fiction somehow. Take that as a serious compliment 🙂

  1. deude , u can do better
    i found it a vague collection of few of the independent d-story 🙂
    go back and listen to “the doors” , then u will get the insight !

    • AP
    • May 3rd, 2009

    Seriously, you should write more. And the story really seemed like your thoughts pouring out – like seeing the cogs in your brain move. Write more so we can get a better understanding of your freaky brain!! 😀

    Really enjoyed reading.

    • Geri Andrus
    • November 6th, 2009

    What is your citation for the “popular quote from the bible”?

      • boddob
      • November 7th, 2009

      i guess its not from the bible, my bad, the whole story breaks down..

      • James Mercer
      • June 5th, 2010

      It’s definitely not from the Bible

    • two headed boy
    • August 4th, 2010

    i am sure i had seen this in the bible!

  2. I purchased tamagotchi v4 game for my children to maintain them away from pc. It looks adorable to even an adult like me.

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